Tears show feeling..

8:12pm: !!!
Fucking Right I am going home!

11:59am: At School Again..
I really should be studying for something because I have to get all my grades up so that I can go to Florida and see Justin!..I just got my pics taken at school like 15 minutes ago..BOo Did I scare you!? no, just kidding anyways, Miami is writing her essay, I already finished mine. I miss Justin alot right now I miss being with him..I want to give him a BIG hug..Justin I give you a BIG hug if you read this..I love you so much kid!


Well bye for now..Farwell.

4:29pm: What's the point of even being alive?
Today, I woke up at about 8:30.Early for me..I went outside but it was really really cold and I could not stand it.My friend Miami from school is here.About an hour ago I tryed to call Justin and he was at the mall.Then I called him again and he was busy and could not talk to me.I am really down about the whole situation, Justin and I broke up a few days ago for, well really for no reason at all besides that fact that I am like 2days away from him.*tear*..I dont know what to do I really really love him and I just feel like we are nothing and I know that we are no because when I am with him I just feel so loved and so happy about being who I am and shit like that..Like last night there was that gay song with Ashly Simpson and like I just cryed so hard because I miss him so much...I never really thought that I could miss anyone so much.I hope that me and him will date when I get into FPC next year and over the summer.and at the end of this year and whenever I get the fuck back home...Huh...

Well Miami and I are going to go get ready to go to the game..

.*Arika*.

3:12pm: Whats the point of this life..
This is the first time in four days that I am sober. ya*shrug*

11:57am: Blah
Ha last night was gay..I stayed with Kyle at his house and chilled umm I am in fourth hour and just chilling its gay here and Miami is next to me..Mom ruined my day before I went to kyles she was being a mean to me and stuff and just being an ass..haha whatever I can not let her get to me because if i do it will just suck

OMG i got the best news bert is in palm coast and jusitn gets to go to his hotel with his bert and his girlfriend..not fair he is going there on sunday and staying untill tuesday..he says he is going to touch and then not wash until i get home and then touch me yaya

I AM SO JEALOUS!!

12:20pm: blah
Fuck yes I am at school! Gay as hell..Sitting in 4th hour next to miami!

4:29pm: I dont need your civil war..
Dad came over when mom and bobbi were at the open house at school..god it was hell..I was trying to call Justin like all day and I couldnt get ahold of him until later he called me and we talked and of course he made me feel better... :)XXXX

I just want to be at home where I love Justin face to face because, this far away love is just killing me..

I am so sick of people fighting and killing eachother.What does it result in? Dont they teach in almost all family homes that when someone hits you, that does not mean you hit them back..It only makes the problem bigger..Okay..Then what is the point of war? So that the president can feel in "power", or so that he can show that he is tough..I think it is shit..I think that the main reason we have war is because of religion right? Well when you think about it maybe all religions are the same in some weird way..The first conversation me and Kyle had was about this subject..If you think about it people worship all diffrent kinds of "gods"..but if you think about it we could all be worshiping the same god just in a diffrent way..Example could be like greeks, they worship all diffrent gods but maybe that is there way of worshiping the god that christians or catholics or whatever,the religion might be..
From what I know and I could be wrong is that not one president has sat down and really talked to an enemy and figured out really why they hate eachother...

Hum..Lots on my mind.

In the great words of Axl Rose.."Whats so civil about war anyway?"

9:31pm: fha
Got to call Justin!!

5:48pm: Well
x.I am: Drinking watered Coke..Ice hates me!
x.I want: To see Justin..
x.I have: A cut..*shrugs* ''Stupid chair!''
x.I wish: I had a penis.
x.I hate: Traveling/Moving
x.I miss: Jusitn,Carl,Kyle.
x.I fear: Myself.
x.I hear: The fan.
x.I search: I dont.
x.I wonder: What will happen with me and Justin.
x.I regret: Alot
x.I love: Justin.
x.I ache: Very much.
x.I always: will love Justin!
x.I am not: Justins girlfriend...I cry!
x.I dance: Heh..I wish.
x.I sing: Sing?XX
x.I cry: Very much..
x.I am not always: Me.
x.I write: On my hand!
x.I win: Never.
x.I lose: Always.
x.I confuse: Myself..*Shrugs*
x.I need: To be with Justin.
x.I should: Call him!
x.Father thinks I am: Father??
x.Mother thinks I am: I am srupid.
x.Three things you are often complimented for: Hum..
x.You get embarrassed when: I talk..
x.Makes you happy: Justin.
x.Upsets you: Justin.
x.You keep a diary: Hum..*Puts eyes in air* hehe..
x.You like to cook: Crayons!
x.You have a secret you have not shared with anyone: Sure sure.
x.You set your watch a few minutes ahead: Watch..I need one of those.
x.You believe in love: yes
x.The best looking male you know: Wyatt..
x.The weirdest person you know: Wyatt..
x.The Loudest Person you Know: Ashley..
x.The Sexiest Person you Know: Justin!
x.Your close friends: I have some??? I cry now..
x.The Person that Knows the Most about you: Me.
x.Most Boring Teacher: Teacher?
x.The last image/thought you go to sleep with: ..
x.Your best feature: My middle finger!
x.Inside joke: Dont you have to have friends for that?
x.Take a shower everyday?: NO.
x.Think you know you've been in love: Yes.
x.Want to get married: Depends..
x.Get motion sickness: I dont know..XX
x.Get along with your parents:No.
x.Like thunderstorms: Yes...When they have reain..hehe.
When You See This Name, You Think Of...
x.Ryan: ..
x.Rob: Prueter
x.Drew: Tears Tears..my best friend..
x.Stephanie: My sister..
x.Heather: ..
x.Aaron: The Syntax Error!
x.Amy: ..
x.Will: Nikki's cousin..
x.Paul: ..
x.Eve: THE MUMMY
x.John: Grease
x.Laura: Snobb!
x.Alex: Short kid from FMS.
x.Dave: David..
x.Justin: Popp!!!
x.Ricky: martin
x.Jacob: ...
x.Jack: Sparrow
x.Sign: Sag
x.Natural Hair Color: dark brown
x.Current Hair Color: same
x.Eye Color: Green..
x.Birthplace: Michigan
Family:
x.Parents: ...
x.Siblings: Stephanie..Bobbi..
x.Lives with: I dont know.
x.Fav. relative: ..
Favourites:
x.Number: 7
x.Color: Gray
x.Day: Saturday and Friday
x.Month: ?
x.Song:
x.Food: Food.X
x.Season: Winter.
x.Sport: none
x.Drink: Sprite.
Prefrences:
x.Cuddle/Make-Out: Cuddle XXX..Makeout XXXX..
x.Chocolate milk/Hot chocolate: dont like milk
x.Milk, dark or white chocolate: Milk!
x.Vanilla/Chocolate: Chocolate.
In the last 24hours...
x.Cried: yes
x.Helped someone: my mom
x.Bought somethin': no
x.Gotten sick: no
x.Gone to the movies: no
x.Gone out for dinner: no
x.Said "I love you": yes
x.Written a real letter: no
x.Talked to an ex: yes..
x.Missed an ex: yes..
x.Written in a journal: yes
x.Had a serious talk: yes
x.Missed someone: yes
x.Hugged someone: yes
x.Fought with your parents: yes
x.Fought with a friend: yes
Five bands you listen to...
x.Manson..
x.Nirvana
x.Taking Back Sunday
x.Brand New
x. Advenged Sevenfold
Six things you hate...
x.This quiz
x.eating
x.Disease
x.People
x.Avril
Would you ever...
x.Eat a bug? sure
x.Bungee jump? yes
x.Hang glide? yeah
x.Kill someone? what makes you think that i havent already
x.Kiss someone of the same sex? YES!
x.Have sex with someone of the same sex? yes
x.Parachute from a plane? nah
x.Walk on hot coals? I dont think so but sure.
x.Go out with someone for their looks? No.If they looked that good why would they date me?
x.For their reputation? Never
x.Be a vegetarian?: Have.
x.Wear plaid with stripes? yes
x.IM a stranger: Me and Ashley had fun!
x.Sing karaoke? YES..
x.Get drunk off your ass? Yes..*gets excited*
x.Shoplift? not any more
x.Run a red light? if nobody is around why not
x.Star in a porn video? Hell Yeah..
x.Dye your hair blue? Yes..
x.Be on Survivor? no
x.Wear makeup in public? why would i wear makeup if nobody would see me in it?
x.NOT wear makeup in public?: Yes...
x.Cheat on a test? Hum...Why do you ask??
x.Make someone cry? sure
x.Call your math teacher a motherfucker? Been there.
x.Kick a baby? If it was in my stomach..Or if it was Justins and he didnt want it..
x.Date someone more than ten years older than you? Depends
x.Cuss out a priest? Yes.
x.Take a job as a janitor? yes..
x.Wear a tho-tho-tho-tho-thong? How gay..
x.Stay up all through the night? Yes..
x.Drink straight espresso?Ew-ness..

2:07am: HGEOd!
I have a new LiveJournal!

_HeartToHeart_

9:35pm: At times I'm part of the madness..
Well I am leaving tomarrow.
Good right? Justin has been at band practice like everyday since Friday.I have not talked to him since Friday morning and I did not really even talk to him then.I called him today at like 8:30 and he really didnt talk to me much he just kinda showed me some of his music and told me that he had to take a shower and go to sleep.He told me to call him tomarrow. I told him that I did not think that I was going to call him like all week.I didnt really tell him why and I dont plan it. I and not sure if I really want to go home because Justin would be the only reason I would even go home and if he is not going to have time to be with me then what is the point. I think that maybe I just need to move on and find someone else new. But I will never move on from Justin he is my world and he is making it so hard for me to talk to him and even call him. He just has so much shit going on with school, Community Service, band practice, and then next month I guess that he is having wrestling. Really no matter what I do he is just not going to have time for me. Hah I seem to get myself in the same mess all time. Such as Kyle. Now Justin.

I guess that nothing in life is all that good anyway.

2:27pm: No Fucking Subject
Shit..This is so fucking boreing I hate it..mom went to the store with Bobbi and then I woke up at like 1:30 and at cereal.Of Fucking course father is here and he is down stairs watching TV and acting like fucking lives here..I hate him so much..I talked to Justin online last night!..fuck I dont feel good...I CRY!



Half X

11:24pm: Fuck Fuck Fuck
I am now really sad because of everything and shit kayla left this really sad comment and It made me sad and stuff because this whole time that I was at the roller-rank I was thinking about her and the fun times we had and how much it sucks that I loved her and shit..Blah and like I meet this really nice kid named Ed and we danced together but I started to cry because I was thinking of Justin and so it like made me kinda sad..OH FUCK YOU

3:32am: My Daily fuck ups
well I am so fucking tierd and really really bored I would like to play Harry Potter but my stupid SP is charging the damn battery is fucking dead..Blah..today was fucked I didnt get to get drunk as I was so pleasently pleased about..but instead I had to fucking baby-sit.GAY.First my some what of a friend came over from Flint*some gay red-neck town*and well really she is not my friend she is my moms best friends daughter and well that of course means I have to be nice to her..after she came over my little sister had already had her friend over so it was me.macy.natasha.bobbi and well the mothers and well the mothers didnt stay for long the feed us pizza I ate alot *very proud* then when they left I got a whole fucking pack of ciggarettes!!*puts fists in air* then my sister and her friend were talking to there friend Jacob who is like eleven or somthing like that and well his brother wants to meet me because he says that he wants a girlfriend.gay.and he wants me to meet him at the roller rank tomarrow and well I said no and then my sister wants to go and she cant go if I dont go and well she will have a fit if I dont go so that she can go and so I have to go.gay.That means I have to meet this ED kid.gay.then after all that happened I called Amanda and we talked about porn and stuff and then I hung with her and called Justin we talked for like 2 and half hours! and just talked about shit and stuff.And then when I got off the phone them three kids had the house such a fucking mess I though I was going to fucking DIE.I came upstairs and read Harry Potter it was like a really really good chapter so I was really into it! then I looked around at my room and it was fucked and so I cleaned it.gay.and now I guess that I am sitting here writing in my journal and it really really sucks and the mothers just got home from the casino oh great..I have to get up at like eight because I have to call Justin at nine because I guess he is not going to school tomarrow and he has not gone to school in a while and he has a doctors appointment tomarrow at noon fuck and I dont know.gay

X

2:00pm: The Confusing words of ARIKA
WHOA WHOA WHOA

What is fucking up...
I am gonna fucking party tonight..I got some absolut and I am just gonna chill and shit it is gonna be fun as hell!! I will write shit laters..talk to you later..



Arika

/\'.EneMeniMineMO/\'.

11:13pm: Hell fucking Yeah:]

I am having the worst time of my life..but I shaved my head..well kinda I shaved part of it off and like I am going to dye it brigt pink and I am going to peirce my lip and I am also going to get my tounge repeirced! I meet the hottest fucking kid this weekend OMG!! We didnt do anything to bad..;]

But we had fun together..We went on the trolly thing together and then we like ate icecream and made fun of old people and talked alot and I did his mohawk and shit it was fun as hell..

But other than that Life still sucks alot..haha...and ways...Oh yeah and I think that I am going to get another tattoo on my head like where I shaved it..haha its great.

blah..bad mood..

XX

1:37am: Stephs tester thing!
name: Arika
hair: some fucked color
eyes: green
height: 5'3

-STYLE-
clothing: Whatever I feel comfortable in.
music: What ever sounds good to my ear.
body art: none besides the 100+ scars on my arm and the beatiful smile and 'J' tatoo on my ankle..:]


-RIGHT NOW-
wearing: tank-top and cut-off dickies..
listening to: Everything-Fefe Dobson??
thinking of: What to put here.

-LAST THING YOU...-
bought: A Harry Potter Game for the SP that I bought.
read: Harry Potter
watched on tv: Harry Potter

-EITHER / OR-
club or houseparty: Houseparty
achiever or slacker: slacker
beer or cider: cider
cats or dogs: Ew.
single or taken: single-taken.
pen or pencil: pen
gloves or mittens: gloves
food or candy: candy!?
cassette or cd: cd
coke or pepsi: Sprite!
matches or a lighter: lighter


-WHO DO YOU WANT TO...-
kill: alot of people...
hear from: Justin
avoid: Mother

-LAST PERSON YOU...AND WHEN?-
touched: Kay
talked to: Amanda
hugged: Kay
instant messaged: Myself*tear*

-WHERE DO YOU-
eat: If I eat..alone in my room..
cry: everywhere

-HAVE YOU EVER...-
Dated one of your best friends? Yes.
Loved somebody so much it makes you cry? Yes..
drank alcohol? Yes.
Done drugs? Yes.
Broken the law? Yes.
Ran away from home? Yes.
Broken a bone? Yes.
Cheated on a test? Yes.
Played Truth Or Dare? Yes.
Mooned Someone? Yes!
Kissed someone you didn't know? Yes!
Been on a talk show/game show? No.
Been in a fight? Yes.
Ridden in a fire truck? No.
Been on a plane? Yes.
Cheated on your Boy/Girlfriend? Yes, Dean that bastard!
Gave someone a piggy back/shoulder ride? Yes..
Eaten a worm/mud pie? Yes.Muwhaha!
Swam in the ocean? Yes..Fourth of July..Fun Fun
Had a nightmare/dream that made u wake up?Yes..Scarey!!

-WHAT IS...-
The most embarrassing CD in your collection?Ha what cds..
Your bedroom like? Witch bedroom..
Your favorite thing for breakfast? cereal
Your favorite thing for lunch? Subway!
Your favorite thing for dinner? Ha..Dinner!?
Your favorite Restaurant? Hum..

-ARE YOU..-
A Vegetarian?: Was.
A Good Student?: No.
Good At Sports?: Heh.Heh.
Good at waveboarding/snowboarding: Heh.Heh.
A good Actor/Actress?: Not good at many things.
A deep sleeper: If I fall asleep
Shy:Kinda
Outgoing: No.
Last words: Grr..Justin..
Last thought: What my last words were...!

1:10am: Sometimes I give into sadness..sometimes I dont..
I am going home Friday:] good right?

If I go Friday I have to come back..Bad right?

I am so confused with life I dont know wether to go back and get my heart broken again or just stay here and keep it broken..I dont know what to do I just want to be happy I really do..Its so hard..I just want to be with Justin in his arms listening to his advice..he always helps when I need him most..but I worry though I dont know if he is just using me for blah or if he really does have feelings for me but I guess it doesnt really matter since I am loosing him all together and all is fucked like always with my life and since I am going home I had be prepared for whats awaiting for me and all I am trying to do is think positive about everything and shit like that because I guess I dont really know what is going to happen when I go back like I dont know if mom and tony are going to get back together and I dont know that when I go back maybe mom will like it so much that she wont want to come back..Maybe..Hum..All I can do is well 'wish' I cant really pray since I have no faith these days..I kinda wish that I would expect something that is really great and I could just be happy and stay there like some people who have a father and mother and little brothers and sisters or they just have a dog and they have a house and they dont have to worry about loosing friends or leaving the one they love and the one that they want to be with so much..but then that person seems to be drifting away and you just dont know what to do because you are so fucking far and you cant do much to save your relationship..Ah who am I kidding thats only for the person who deserves it..I dont deserve nothing Not Justin not Amanda None of it..I want to be with him so much and nobody understands how much it hurts to think that I am going to loose him and not even as the one I love but as the my best friend.

X

9:31pm: dOnt make me take this walk alOne..
UUhh well this has been one fucked month I started smoking again..me and justin !!BROKE UP!! well just until I come home.Me and Amanda are okay I guess we are far apart but it all okay i guess..I have not been writing I really have not had much time with all the daytime drama and shit like that..I am trying hard to keep together but I am just falling apart.

Ozz Fest is coming up soon I think it is September second.I am going home in like eleven days..I have been wanting to talk to Justin about stuff but its hard to talk to him when I am so far away.. There is some weird feelings I have been having.I dont know what to do really..


ArikaXXXXPrueter

1:33am: This story seems to be ending..
I am so fucking Happy..No not really...I am tierd..sad..lonley..and sick..I have to get up at like four in the morning..*tear* I am going to miss Justin so much..God just thinking about leaving him it makes me cry.I will be back very soon but I just want to be with him so much right now..RIGHT NOW..*many tears*..I LOVE YOU SO MUCH JUSTIN..I really hope that he means it when he says he loves me too and I hope that he wont do anything stupid like cheat on me when I am gone I am so worried about that..that is why I am so not wanting to go but I really love him.. School starts very soon...Ah fuck school I am going to miss Justin..I want him with me..*TEARS* I have been crying all night because I am not going to beable to see him...God and my mom dont have a cell phone so that I can call him on the way there.I will have to use a pay phone..god I can not stop crying...I dont know what to do with myself...I think that me and amanda are going to break up very soon..and Justin gosh gosh gosh..



I miss you..I love you..DONT CHEAT ON ME!..I love you Justin Love Arika

3:30pm: When I leave your beautiful arms..
Well my mom is out again with phil..He seems to be nice..I woke up at about two-thirty..I have not seem my girlfriend in like three days I have not talked to her much and I think that i might just leave it that way..I feel so weird today like it is all just like a dream and I dont like it...I just feel like falling..falling and never stopping...Just to fall with someone that I love...




You are my new path to suicide...

4:11pm: Sticks and Stones may break my bones but words they seem to kill me..
Well the last few days have been really crazy my moms boyfriend hit her and me and we kicked him out of the house it was really fucked up..Then I stayed the night at amandas house two days ago and then we went to Justins house and she got in trouble with her dad because she didnt tell him where she was going to be before she came to my house...She still ''loves'' Justin and it kinda gets me pissed at sometimes...I really dont know what to tell her about all of this but I love her..*at least I like her alot* Then yesterday night I went to Justins house and I stayed the night..kinda..well I was there untill like two in the morning..It was fun.! Amanda called when we were watching a movie and trying to sleep..*wink*..My mom had a new ''boyfriend'' and he took her out to dinner and a movie last night he picked her up at like twelve today and took her out to lunch and then James came over for about an hour and then Justin came over and then like fifteen minutes later oompa and mikey showed up and then about twenty minutes ago Ricky showed up and now they are all in my back yard chillin....

Hum.Yesterday..Justin and Ricky were somewhat making fun of me because I have this NASTY thing on my face from being sun-burned and I think that it is sun-blisters and it really hurt me..I am so sensitive and shit about stuff like that..and they were making fun of me about it..I was gay..I was crying and stuff because it hurt so bad...I was not very cool...

Everyone is messing around they are so fucking weird..

Well my face is hurting so I am gonna go take a nap...Much love...Arika..

1:18pm: As tears roll down your upset face...
Last night my mother was very upset for some reason she keep on crying she wouldnt tell me why...

Today I might go over to Justins..He is having band practice and I would like to meet the new drummer Greg.The rest of the band is gonna be there.Justins friend from PA is over to his house..Just this morning I found out that a bunch of people are moving..Chloe moved to Daytona.Kayla moved to Tennessee.Tehgan is moving to MA.I wonder who will be gone next..I hope that it is not me..I dont want to move I really dont.I dont have much but I have all that I want..

Its just another path to suicide..

6:22pm: Here we are alone again..
Me and Justin were just alone in my room we had wild maniac sex to manson..Muwhaha..

But to the point...
For the last two fucking weeks I have been waiting to do somthing and I finally did it last night!! I was so happy that I did it! Hahaha.................Justin is pestering me to tell him but i wont...I love him but I cant tell him...Muwhaha..cha cha

3:53pm: Again I take this walk..
I am still here..I am seem to be takeing the same path as i was a year ago...My mother wants me to start seeing my doctors again..She says that I am going to my old ways...i dont think that she is right but i dont know.maybe she is.I hadnt cut in almost 5 months and it seems that i am starting again and the only thing that is really stopping me is Justin i think that if it wasnt for him i would have a whole collection of them..but since he will leave me if I do it I refuse to let myself touch somthing sharp to my wrists...I would hate it if he was to leave for somthing such as just that...I have been there once and dont want to be there again...I love him just to much to even go that far with my anger so now I just end this..its just another road to suicide..